Gimlet Goblin

GrouponGate

today i mused on the various websites that allow consumers savings through bulk purchases (LivingSocial, BuyWithMe, Groupon, etc.) it is hysterical to me that a generation who scorns coupons are now completely gaga over.... electronic coupons. i even hate the word 'coupon.' mostly because always say it "kyu-pon" instead of "coo-pon." but i digress. even i have jumped on this bandwagon! am i really this excited over a porcelain bird figurine, simply because 200 other people bought it so now i can save 10%? skirry. to be fair, the only things i have bought on said site are wine and movie tickets, things i actually use. this cartoon aptly sums up GrouponGate (scroll far down.)

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/state_web_winter

real adeles have curves

to be fair, we all have a good side. and good hair days. and that one outfit that makes us look smokin'. which is why i carefully weed through images of me that are tagged on the 'book, and select as my profile pic only those that make me appear 9,000% more attractive than i actually am.

i love adele. she can do no wrong. with that voice, she could be ursula from the little mermaid and i'll buy anything she is selling.

that said, do not try to trick me. if i am flipping through People mag, and see you looking skinballs usa, i am happy for you. but don't do it, girl. i mean, i KNOW you've got the makeup team, the hair team, the lighting team, the stylists, the photoshoppers......but just don't do it. 'cuz we both know i'm going to peruse EW and see you looking like you just ate j.hud dreamgirls stilo, before she actually embraved her inner starvles the clown.

uggly

i tell it like it is. case in point, a query from a dear friend this a.m.:
"am i too old for these boots?" with the following link: 
uggs

my response:

• "if you're in your 30s
• and you're over 3 feet tall
• and the product description contains both the terms kids and youth

then we both know the answer. and don't even get me started on the color."

to be fair, she laughed so hard that she cried.

listlessly listing

i'm a list-a-holic. i have lists in my blackberry, lists in excel, lists on stickies on my computer at work: restaurants to try, people to email, books to read. oh, and condolence cards to send. this system works for me. so simmer down, co-worker. to be fair, i could have phrased the sticky differently than "<name redacted> mother died."

salt. evelyn salt.

the amount of time we spend over-thinking and crafting our social media message is insane. for example, last night i saw a post from a friend about his terrible cold.

this morning, i reached out:

'i didn't realize you had a terrible cold...we g-chatted all day...why didn't you say anything?'

he responded that said status was his alibi, crafted solely for a guy he had plans with... to set the stage for when he texted him an hour later, canceling.

ahhh..... the wily ways of gays. to be fair, we've all done this. i've also done the opposite - specifically NOT checked into foursquare somewhere because i was supposedly elsewhere. i've even gone so far as to try to check in somewhere i wasn't.

when we're crafting twitter / facebook / foursquare messages to establish a fake life in order to not mess up our real life, it makes me think that perhaps we should unplug: turn off the smartphone and go to those plans that you're trying to bagger vance on.

stay away from the crack...unless you can manage it socially

"i was sober for five years a long time ago and just bored out of my tree...it's not who i am."

to be fair, surely this is true - but does childhood count towards sobriety?